阿里山
Alishan
Ascending the cold mountain by train
at an angle defying 4 am logic
on a morning unblinged by stars or moon
we tourists are stuffed and zipped
into cypress green army jackets
guaranteed
to keep all five hundred of us steaming
like the hot pots of jin xuan tea
we’ll sip at the summit
to honor the dawn.
Which reminds me of the poet
Han Shan
who
when he wrote
on a stone
or a piece of bark
or the side of a house
Find a magic melon in your dream!
Steal a sacred orange from the palace!
Far away from your native land…
must’ve been imagining this fiery orb
floating up like a holy fruit through
these flaming mountains
here at Alishan.
Original photo by Michael Cannings via Wikimedia Commons.
Han Shan quotes from poem #13, The Collected Songs of Cold Mountain, translated by Bill Porter (Red Pine), Copper Canyon Press, 2000.
Still Life with Tortillas 
I see this piece with a slightly different organizational structure…in roman numeraled sections—removing the ‘reminds me..phrase–starting roman numer II with…Han Shan…
Then when that section is complete with ‘native land’ –putting a Roman numeral III for your last section–if, that is, you see the piece as being its same current length.
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Hi jd, thanks for the feedback. The structure is definitely something to think about when I revise. Wrote it fast between a hike and weeding the garden, and then looked again this morning and kind of snorted. 😀
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Tried the Roman numerals and I like it, but now the poem feels unbalanced and the language clunky, so I’ll rework that later on. Thanks again, jd.
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When i was rustling it through my stilted mind and being so bold as to offer up this type of feedback, I was thinking of five stanzas.
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I love the symmetry of the verses and the imagery evoked. The photo makes me want to board the train to Alishan. Beautifully done, Susan.
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Thank you, Jeff. I hope you will be able to greet the sun one morning at Alishan. Blessings.
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A picture painted:
“must’ve been imagining this fiery orb
floating up like a holy fruit through
these flaming mountains”
You are my poet mentor!
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Katie, that’s so kind. Thank you for the honor!
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Susan, the beauty and depth of your work never ceases to amaze me and always touches my heart and imagination.
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What a lovely comment, Carol. I am equally dazzled by your work. Thank you!
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